The Name Game
When my husband and I bought our first home in a suburban setting, we quickly met the little boys (ages 5 and 3) who lived across the street. Not fully understanding how literal young children can be, my husband graciously offered that the boys could visit us at any time. A few days later, my husband was painting the basement and I was in the kitchen when a little voice said: "Hi Jodi!" Suddenly finding a child in my kitchen was not as surprising to me as being called "Jodi" by a 3-year old. "Ma'am" was too cold. "Mrs. Smith" was too old. But "Jodi" was just too casual.
Forms of address vary from country to country, region to region and social circle to social circle. Despite the variations, etiquette does prescribe specific guidelines for people's titles.
| Case | Formal Form of Address |
| Single woman, under 18 | Miss Abigail Smith |
| Single woman, over 18 | Ms. Abigail Smith |
| Single male, under 18 | Master Adam Jones Or Mr. Adam Jones |
| Single male, over 18 (also married man, divorced man and widowed man) |
Mr. Adam Jones |
| Married woman | Mrs. Adam Jones Or Ms. Abigail Jones |
| Divorced woman | Mrs. Abigail Smith Jones Or Ms. Abigail Smith |
| Widowed woman | Mrs. Adam Jones Or Ms. Abigail Jones |
| Medical Doctor, female | Dr. Abigail Jones |
| Medical Doctor, male | Dr. Adam Jones |
| Ph.D. holders in academic settings, female | Dr. Abigail Jones |
| Ph.D. holders in academic settings, male | Dr. Adam Jones |
| Ph.D. holder in business settings, female | Abigail Jones, Ph.D. |
| Ph.D. holder in business settings, male | Adam Jones, Ph.D. |
| Ph.D. holder in social settings, female | Ms. Abigail Jones |
| Ph.D. holder in social settings, male | Mr. Adam Jones |
| Married Couple | Mr. and Mrs. Adam Jones |
| Married Couple, male doctor | Dr. and Mrs. Adam Jones |
| Married Couple, female doctor | Dr. Abigail Jones and Mr. Adam Jones or Mr. Adam Jones and Dr. Abigail Jones or Mr. and Mrs. Adam Jones (some women choose not to use their professional titles socially) |
| Married Couple, both doctors * | The Doctors Jones Or Dr. Abigail Jones and Dr. Adam Jones Or Dr. Adam Jones and Dr. Abigail Jones |
| Married Couple, woman kept maiden name * | Ms. Abigail Smith and Mr. Adam Jones Or Mr. Adam Jones and Ms. Abigail Smith |
| Unmarried Couple living together * | Ms. Abigail Smith Mr. Adam Jones Or Mr. Adam Jones Ms. Abigail Smith |
* There are a number of great etiquette debates in America today. One of these debates is whether the woman's name or the man's name should appear first. In this debate, I side with those who believe that the woman's name should appear first.
I liken first names to vampires. Just as a vampire can not cross the threshold in your home without a specific invitation, first names can not be used without specific instruction. Until you are invited to address someone by their first name, default to the more formal form.
As for my wandering friend from across the street, I called his mother to let her know he was over visiting, and asked him to call me "Miss Jodi." I felt this created a distinction between me and his little friends, yet was not too formal or stuffy.
